Others Centered

We Will Miss Uncle Kent

Tonight, we just found out that my Wife’s Uncle has passed away from lung cancer.  This hit us particularly hard because this particular Uncle was more like a Grandpa to our kids than an Uncle.  Three out of their four real Grandparents died before they were born and the fourth does not play a huge role in their life.  My two boys loved their Uncle Kent.  He was a quirky, bitter man with OCD and didn’t really like people much but he had a huge heart and deep down was a big softy.  He loved our kids and they loved going to see him.  He played a huge part in our lives over the past 8 1/2 years since we moved to Oregon.  He taught me the ins and outs of remodeling, floor installation, and home repair.  He helped me put in our wood floors, build our tool shed and convert half of our garage into a playroom.

Uncle Kent, a typical redhead, grew up as feisty as anyone and lived a life that left him with a pretty hard heart and a lot of bitterness.  Somehow, he found one of the kindest, selfless, yet strong, women to marry him and they had a deep love for each other.  My wife, another typical redhead, and he would battle over Biblical topics.  Kent was the type that would always ask, “If God were loving, why is there so much suffering in the word?” or “How can I believe the Bible, there is no way all those animals could fit on the ark!”  For a time, we would try to tackle his arguments but eventually we just laughed and said, “We don’t want to talk to you about this anymore but we still love you and you aren’t getting rid of us.”  Deep down though, these questions were a sign of a real thirst for answers.  He really did want to know, he just didn’t know how to start searching for them.

We would go see them often and one thing we realized about Kent was that he was terrified of death.  He would obsess about it often and went to the doctor regularly to make sure everything was ok.  When he found out that he had incurable lung cancer, we weren’t sure how he would respond.  His response was a shock, sort of.  He found out that he had cancer and his heart melted.  This once bitter, hard hearted man became happier than we had ever seen him.  Before, he wanted to know about God but didn’t know where to begin.  Now, he didn’t care about things like the ark, he just wanted us to pray for him and how to get right with God.  I wrote him a letter explaining why bad things happen to people but I think he realized that bad things happen to get our attention.  It is through those tough times that we realize the only thing that realy matters is how we look at the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Do we accept His death on the cross as payment for our sins and His resurrection as the victory over death, or do we render it meaningless and seek our own way and answers?

My Mom and Dad both died of cancer so I had gone through this twice.  My Dad when I was 19 and my Mom when I was 26, two months exactly before my first son was born.  I had seen both extremes of how people can react to this situation.  My Dad was a very prideful and stubborn man who put faith in his ability to earn his way into God’s favor.  We found out after he died, in a letter written to my sister, that he liked my mom but never really loved her.  When he got cancer, he became very bitter and angry and died fighting death the entire time.  He did not go peacefully and his funeral was one of the saddest, hopeless days of my life.  I don’t know if he went to Heaven.  He may have submitted to the Lord at the end but we have no peace in knowing.  My mom, on the other hand, was the exact opposite.  She was as kind, soft spoken, and selfless as a person could be.  She always put people’s needs ahead of her own and loved my dad til the day he died.  She grew up Catholic but didn’t really know the Lord.  I was very close to my mom and we would talk about the Bible as I got older and her heart was for knowing God.  She would read as much as she could and when she got cancer, she was at total piece.  She was 7 years younger than my dad who was 68 when he died.  She was terrified for 7 years that something would happen to her on her 68th birthday.  Nothing did, it wasn’t until two months after her 68th birthday that she found out she had lung cancer.  She died four months later and was closer to the Lord during those four months than ever before.  I was able to smile through her entire funeral because I knew where she was.  It was not a sad day but a day to remember her life and be thankful for the time we had with her.

This is what we saw with Kent.  He was nicer than ever, he didn’t care about silly things, he loved hearing from people and hearing their prayers for him.  While we are going to miss him, we can go on with our lives thankful for the time we got to spend with him.  The hardest part for me is knowing that our youngest will likely not remember him much and our oldest will have vague memories of the fun he had with his buddy for the six years he got to spend with him.  He told us that he wanted to get better so he could finish a dollhouse for our third child when she was born (he was certain we were having a girl but won’t find out for a couple more months).  He won’t get to do that now but he will get to meet “her” someday in Heaven.

It is too bad that it takes these tough times to bring people to a knowledge and relationship with the Lord.  It is a testament of His great love for us though that He will do anything it takes to get us to a point to accept His free gift of eternal life.  The purpose of life here on Earth is not to be the best or make the most.  Our job is to love God with all our heart, soul, and strength and love our neighbors as ourself.  If we can do that, we will get our real reward in Heaven.  We will miss Uncle Kent but we look forward to that day when we will see him again.